What we've been up to...

Ok, so it's working...

Despite all my anger and frustration, apparently my modified boot-camp is working. As of yesterday morning, I was down 6 pounds in two weeks. Not bad, if I do say so myself. I have decided that going to the gym five days a week is really paying off.

Today we are schedule to have the wood floors in the living room and dining room refinished, so Plus One and I are trying to be away from the house as much as possible. I think stops at the post office, library, Old Navy, and the park should suck up most of the day. Tomorrow we will go to story-time at Barnes and Noble and them swimming. I have nothing if this turns into a three day project.

Plus One burned his fingers last night while I was grilling steaks. I am not exactly sure how it happened, as I was right there and thought he had hurt his mouth. I spoke to the dr. a couple of hours after it happened and she said to try to keep the blisters moist and if they are fluid-filled this morning to take him in to the Clinic. Unfortunately, they are the fingers on his right hand that he sucks, so he had a difficult time putting himself to sleep. I snuck in twice in the night and covered the blisters was anti-bacterial ointment in a effort to keep them moist. I just feel horrible. I know that I am not going to really be able to protect him from the whole world, but I do expect to keep him safe while I am right there!

I am going to take a class called Water Rodeo this morning. Let's hope I don't drown.

A vent....

When I got the pictures from Plus One's birthday back I was horrified to discover when I am sitting down it is hard to discern my belly and breasts. As a matter of fact, in many of the pics, I don't even have breasts. Knowing that we are going to try to conceive sooner rather than later, I decided I needed some sort of "get in shape" - " drop a few pounds" plan. So, I looked at Oprah's Boot Camp, and decided that would be a good deal since it is a 12 week program. My 30th birthday is in 12 weeks, and I think we will be about ready to TTC again by then too. I cleared our cupboards of junk, went shopping at the health food store, re-instated our gym membership, and stuffed my face for the week leading up to August 1st, the official kick-off date.

The first week went reasonalbly well. I attended an aerobic class every day M-F and then kinda fell apart on Saturday, but stayed active and was really watching what I ate. Granted this in NO where close to the Boot Camp regimen, but I felt good. This Monday morning my friend, J came over to weigh me and I am proud to report a 2.5 # loss. Tuesday and Wednesday Plus One (PO)had a yuck enough nose that I didn't think it wise to take him to the gym, so we stayed home. I ate more than I should, BUT I bought I new bike and bike-trailer (for PO) and was still able to get a good sweat in. Today is Thursday, and I went to the gym and walked on the treadmill for 35 minutes, nothing major. But let me tell you, I am grouchy!

I am so angry and I am having I hard time putting my finger on it, except, I can't eat and eating is what I do when I am grouchy. So, I guess that is the bottom line. Here we are at day 11 and I want to snap someone's head off. I am just really to explode. I want this whole thing to be easy and instead there is a war raging inside my head. I want to eat! I want to feel better. Food is my drug and I NEED A FIX! Don't get me wrong, I am eating. I had an egg and a cup of grapes for breakfast and 1/2 a banana after I worked out. But, I want a cup of caffeine in the form of coffee with cream or a ice cold Coke. I want a hand full of Cheetos and in 15 minutes I want a hand full of peanut M&Ms. I just want to do what I want to do. I hate feeling like a victim, but I do. Have you ever turned on the TV when are you "not eating". It's bullshit. On wonder I'm fat, no wonder America is fat. I AM PISSED OFF! I am a horrible wife and not the mom I want to be with this dark cloud I have over me right now.

I have so much anger surrounding dieting. Or even if you look at it as "a life-style change" it's all about choices I don't want to make. How did I get so messed up? I know where it all began and I know that these issues have been spinning out of control for years.

So, where do I go from here? To my pillow, to cry and force out some of the frustration? Let's just hope it isn't Baja Fresh or something worse.