Speaking of thinking too much...

I spend an hour each week in talk-therapy working on obtaining coping skills for adulthood. I often feel a bit ridiculous for having to have therapy to keep me forward thinking, when an outsider might look at my life and think I have it all. I have learned so much in what is approaching a 100 hours of talking, and I understand life is a journey and everything is a learning experience that helps shape us as people. I love my therapist, she is wonderful and compassionate and a bright spot in my life. For the coming week she suggested that I work on showing compassion for myself and my husband, as well as not having to know the meaning of life and the answers to the world's mysteries. I am basically a control-freak. And apparently it is common knowledge, but I am finding it easier said than done...the harder you try to control nearly everything to less control you actually have. I just sat in my car and cried at the prospect that I can and will be a happier person if I can "give it up" and just be. I exist in the front of my brain and I am thinking, thinking, thinking all the time, and not getting anywhere. Nine times out of ten the situation only gets worse after it has been rolling around in my brain for hours. Most currently I am all stirred up over the Christian based mom's group that I attend, and why? I don't get it. Why can't I just go and enjoy the parts that I find enjoyable and let the rest go? And when Tom snaps my head off because he is tired and had had a long day, why can't I show him compassion and just let it go? Instead I over-react and cry because he has hurt my feelings.

I will just be here trying with all I have to let it go...let all of it go.